Mmmmmm... Beer.

I figure that one-word title got the attention of most of you.  For the rest, you can buy your own damn drink.

I have a confession to make.  I am a beer snob.  I wasn't born with a silver can in the fridge, it just sort of happened about a year ago when I started dating my wife.  Yes, I am fully and openly blaming her.  Now, I am not talking about chugging away at a case of American mass-produced swill like a freshman at a frat party.    I am talking about the finely crafted beers that are made in small batches at the microbreweries across the country.

I am lucky enough to live in what has been dubbed "the Napa Valley of craft brewing".  Colorado, a Mecca for beer aficionados from across the country, now has over 150 breweries that produce some of the finest beers on the planet.  Luckily for us, many of these are not exported beyond the borders of our fine state, and some not even that far.  The artisans that create these masterpieces are like the wine makers of the 80's.  They take different strains of hops, combine with flavors from the ordinary to the exotic, and create a taste and sensory explosion on your palate.  Wheat beer, Kolsch, lager, amber, brown, stout and pale.  If you can dream it, someone has probably put it into a fermenter.  However, there is nothing more beautiful than what can only be described as truly a masterful American creation:  The India Pale Ale and its beefier cousin, the Double IPA.

Since my eyes were opened to the world of beer last summer, I have gained a true appreciation for the IPA.  I look for them at every brewery, ask for them at every restaurant.  I have several favorites, some that are perfect for everyday consumption, and others that are best reserved for special occasions.  While they are all IPAs in name, they are as different as snowflakes.  Even within different batches of the same beer, one can note subtle differences.

An IPA gains its flavor and its overall character from the hops and malt the brewer uses to create the beer.  Different malts and roasts can change the backbone from sweet to smoky.  Different hops, like different grapes, provide different notes in the finished product.  Dry hopping produces a significantly different flavor than does a wet application.  Hops from different areas of the country have different subtleties, all of which combine to create a unique experience.

I am not a beer expert.  Far from it in fact.  I would consider myself more of a suds mauler than a sommelier.  But I know what I like, and for me it takes a perfect combination of hops and malts to please my palate.  One measures the hoppiness of a beer by calculating the IBUs, or International Bitterness Units.  To give you an example, most lagers (Budweiser, Coors, etc.) come in at less than 10 IBUs.  On the other end of the scale, there are IPAs that tilt the scale at over 115 IBUs.  Having had the pleasure of trying so many hoppy beers, the lesser IBU-endowed ones just don't do it for me any more.  It's like heroin.  The longer you use, the more you body needs.  I have built up a hop-tolerance!  Couple this with the fact that the average American beer has about 3.8 - 4.0% ABV.  Most of the IPAs out there these days run in the mid-6% range, and there are some that touch the sky (or maybe the floor after too many) at almost 11%.  I'm sold.

Anyway, to sum up here are some of the breweries and beers to which I tip my hat.  Thank you for making beer enjoyable again!

Beers:  Avery IPA; Maharaja (Brewed only twice a year, this is my favorite beer on the planet and I wait anxiously each year for it to come out again.); Titan IPA; Hercules Double IPA; Modus Hoperandi; Dale's Pale Ale; Fisherman's Double IPA (This is the only beer that has yet come close to Maharaja for me); Seven Seas Double IPA (It will always be Seven Seas to us, screw that Washington outfit!); Puma IPA.

Breweries:  Avery Brewing, Great Divide. Ska Brewing, Oskar Blues, Left Hand Brewing, Trinity Brewing, Twisted Pine, Boulder Beer, Walnut Brewery, Dry Dock Brewing, Cape Ann Brewing, Golden Brewing Company, Bear Republic Brewing, and our local Elk Mountain Brewing.

And if you can't decide on which to visit or sample, never fear.  Head to LoDo and ask for Stevie at Falling Rock Tap House.  He will steer you in the right direction.

Prost!

The Man Who Changed Everything

It took a full day before I was able to write this.  I spent a good part of the day reading through the stories of people creating memorials, looking at the pictures, and finding myself remarkably emotional about the whole thing.  I never met Steve Jobs, never really thought about who was running the show out there in Cupertino.  But like 300 million other people on this planet, I have part of Steve Jobs with me almost everywhere I go.

Like me, many of you have an iPod.  Or two.  A couple of months ago, I wrote about how Google has seemingly taken over our lives.  As I look back on that now, I think that there needs to be a caveat to that thought.  While Google may own email, web searching, browsers, etc., Apple clearly owns the hardware and our hearts.  Steve Jobs had a vision of simplicity that started in his parent's garage and evolved into a multi-billion dollar organization that has created the most innovative and widely popular device portfolio on the planet.

My first experience with Apple was almost 30 years ago.  I had an Apple IIe at home, and learned the basics of computer use on that first iconic machine.  In my adolescent and adult life, I steered clear of Apple products for many years.  Maybe it was the cost, maybe the fear of having to learn a whole new way to think when it came to interfacing with my computer.  When I got my first iPod in 2005, it was plugged into a Dell Windows-based machine.  Oh, what a fool I was back then.  When my Dell finally decided it was time to join the ranks of expired hardware, I made the decision to jump off the deep end and go Mac.  After quite a bit of hesitation, I purchased my MacBook Pro.  Not willing to completely let Microsoft out of my life, I made sure that I had Word, Excel, and PowerPoint on the new computer.

Within the first ten minutes of playing with my new computer, I was in love.  My worries about learning a new OS?  Long gone.  What Apple had created from Jobs' vision was the easiest, most intuitive user interface I have ever seen.  This device is so user friendly, you can almost feel Steve Jobs himself welcoming you into the fold.  And the look?  I'm sorry, but the brushed aluminum frame beats any laptop on the market today for overall aesthetic.  So why, may you ask, does the email signature from my phone clearly read "Not sent from an iPhone"?

That is one of life's little ironies.  I saw so many emails with the iPhone signature that it got old; like the hit song that gets too much play on the radio.  I was lured by the idea of the Android platform and the fact that it was the new shiny thing on the block.  While that phone has served its purpose, I have had multiple issues with it and have finally made the decision to join the ranks of the iPhone users.  Which is great because with the introduction if iOS5, it will sync with my iPad over the air, no wires needed.

Ultimately, this is not about me.  This is about the extraordinary vision of a man who will be deeply missed.  His guidance and leadership of not just Apple, but of the whole world, will be seen and felt for years to come.  Steve Jobs taught us that it is OK to dream big and make those dreams a reality.  Steve Jobs saw simple, easy to use technology for everyone and through his leadership, he delivered.  For that Mr. Jobs, we offer our deepest appreciation for changing our lives for the better.  You will be missed.

Facebook Status Abuse

So for the one or two people who actually read this random shit, I apologize for failing to keep you entertained for the last couple of months.  For the rest of you, well...

I am a social media whore.  I will freely admit this in mixed company.  I check Facebook on a regular basis throughout the day, and may add a status post of something I find humorous here and there.  I have certain folks that I know are good for a laugh (Joey, Keane, Kristin) and others that are good for exactly jack shit.  Then there are the status abusers.  We all have them, so don't pretend you don't know who I am talking about.  If you think you don't know anyone like this, chances are it's you.

Tell me, do I really care that you were just admitted to the ER for the fifteenth time in the last six days?  Or that once again, you have broken up with the love of your life (whom you have only been dating for six minutes, BTW)?  Why do people feel that they must share absolutely every detail of their pathetic lives with the world?  Do you think that your Facebook "friends" actually give a shit about what you ate last night?

To be completely fair, there are two types of status abusers out there.  As previously noted, the idiots that post every small facet of their daily existence is an obvious one.  But the sneaky fuckers are the ones that just toss up the "FML" or "Wow, I am really having a bad day" updates.  They are just begging for the virtual attention they have no possibility of paying for in the real world.  I am not sure what is more pathetic:  these cries for attention or the morons who actually leave a comment and respond!  "Oh, I'm so sorry!  Call me later!  Love you!"  By the way, I corrected all the spelling and grammar in that bit because you know those people cannot write proper English to save their lives.  But that is another post entirely.

Back to my ranting.  I hate the new Facebook layouts, but one good thing is it is now much easier to block this drivel from clogging my social arteries and choking the life out of my day.

The final offender is the one that you can clearly and easily catch in the act of being absolutely full of shit.  I have a "friend" on Facebook who has taken the status update game to an entirely new level.  In fact, they should win some kind of twisted Pulitzer Prize for "Most bullshit fiction written on Facebook in a six day span" award or something.  This was comedy and tragedy all rolled into one.  The initial post was something about being in the hospital and for "those who didn't know" (read EVERYONE ELSE ON THE FUCKING PLANET) I had a heart attack last weekend.  OK, fine.  Call me an asshole for being insensitive.  But when I first read this I was a bit concerned.  Being a former medic, I tend to take that pretty seriously.  Enter the bullshit factor.  Over the next few days all we read about is the upcoming surgery to determine the health of the heart.  Oh, it's only functioning at 40%, I need to move back home to be close to my family.  Oh, if my heart rate gets too low, I could die.  No fucking shit!  That's what happens to everyone when their heart rate gets too low.  They DIE!  Next post was something about being home from the hospital.  I was shocked to see that one less than 24 hours after the "surgery"  Ummm, I know that I am not a cardiologist, but you don't just get released like that after someone messes with your ticker.  Call me stupid.  Anyway, the back and forth is capped off with pictures of said narcissist at a charity event just three days later and looking just the same as six months before when all was fine.

Maybe this is just some dumb mindset that our culture has these days.  Since I am not actually talking to these people, they won't catch me in a lie, they won't ever know the truth.  I can say what I want, get the attention I deserve and have people pay attention to me.  Cause I know that everyone avoids me like the guy begging for change at the bus stop in real life.  How about this one:  make some REAL friends.  Have a real conversation.  Find people that actually care about you and then you don't have to make up some absurd story about having a heart attack when all you really had was heartburn.

Cover Letters Gone Bad

Let's face it, the economy sucks.  People are out of work, under-employed, and generally frustrated with the entire job search process.  I should know, I spent most of last year as one of those people.  To a certain extent, I am still one of those people today.

Many people have enlisted the services of professionals to create their resumes and/or cover letters in attempt to stand out from the crowd.  However, not everyone has the resources for professional assistance, so they must rely on their own skills (or a Google search and plagiarizing of an existing document found in said results) to produce a cover letter worth of submitting.  Alas, there are those who have chosen to forge on alone, or don't have the wherewithal to conduct the search.  And it is these individuals whom we recognize today.

A friend sent me a couple of snippets from some of the cover letters she was reading the other day.  These were just too god not to share.  Now for those of you who know me, you know that I am a firm believer in finding the humor in any situation as a great way to relieve stress and brighten your day. Humor has its place, however.  Keep in mind, these are comments taken from actual cover letters.

• Walmart isn't as lucrative as it appears to be, so I went to Pepsi.

• Assisted with pap smears.

Just a quick word of advice.  Write for the job you want, not for the job you had.

Is Google Taking Over our Lives?

I remember when I was a kid sitting in math class and someone introduced the concept of a Google to me for the first time.  Let me preface this by saying that I both hate and suck at math, but the idea of 1 with 100 zeroes behind it was somehow fascinating.  It was the closest thing to infinity that I had ever considered.  Now, as I look at how intertwined Google is in my day to day life, I wonder if Larry Page and Sergey Brin had the same thoughts sitting in their math classes.

My first online experience was with my old IBM clone, dialing into BBS servers on a 2400 baud modem in 1991.  Now, I sit at a computer with two flat screens and an Ethernet connection and access to anything my mind can conceive (and many things it wishes it has never seen).  My first email account was with Yahoo!, who was tops back in '98.  I still have that account, more for sentimental value than anything else.  It gets checked about once a month.  Yahoo! used to be the king of all things internet related.  They ruled the email and search world, had games and rudimentary social networking features.  Everyone jumped on that bandwagon and loved it.

Then along comes Google.  Touted as the next thing in search engines and designed to help you find lemon colored socks for your puppy, it made Yahoo! look like a joke.  Google was so popular that it quickly became the number one search platform on the internet.  Now, Google has become a verb as well as a noun. Just Google it.  Little did we know that within a few short years, Google would be much more than a search engine.

Enter Gmail.  As with their search engine, Google came along and crushed Yahoo!'s email client.  As of right now, Gmail is the number one rated free email service on the planet.  Yahoo?  They are in a distant fifth place.  Sorry folks.  I was drooling at the mouth thinking about having access to a Gmail account.  I waited and waited for that invitation to come by text.  And I didn't text back then!  I got lucky and did get an invite, and was able to secure a great Gmail address for myself.  I have never looked back.  Gmail may be the best external email client I have ever used.  I swear by it and recommend it to everyone I know.  I have integrated it into Outlook on my old computer, and now into Entourage and Mail on my Mac. Which brings me to my phone.

If I flip that skinny little piece of technology over, the first thing I see on the back is HTC in big, shiny letters.  But if I look down at the bottom, whose logo do I see?  Why, it's Google.  They are EVERYWHERE.  When I set up my phone for the first time, it asked me to create a Gmail account.  Wow, that is a bit presumptuous.  Glad I already had one.  And that I love it.  (Interesting side note for you iOS users.  Apple and Google are now the single biggest competitors in the wireless market.  Even the iPhone wants you to have a Gmail account to use email with their devices.  What happens when Google starts making software for the iPhone?)  When I hit the little search button, it uses Google technology to look for stuff in my phone and online at the same time.  It is my go-to answer machine.  It pisses off my fiancee on a regular basis because if there is something I can't answer off the top of my head, I just hit that little button, type in what I am looking for and it appears!  God love the search feature.

Now, you may be wondering how much more I can talk about Google.  I have touted the online search engine, the email, and the technology built into my little crack-phone.  But I am not done yet.  Not by a long shot.  Google Sites has given me the ability to build a website with which I can share information about my upcoming wedding (104 days remain as of this posting) with the world.  Google Analytics is like instant heroin for data junkies.  I have that code tied to my website.  With the click of a mouse, I can cyber-stalk the people who have visited my site.  I can see locations, times, pages viewed, browsers used; pretty much anything.  Hell, without Google, I would have had to find somewhere else to share my random thoughts with the two or three of you who actually choose to read them.

Enter Google+.  I am still not quite sure how to take this whole "jumping off the deep end into the social networking pool" bit, but my satisfaction with other Google products has been extremely good, so I am going to give it a shot.  I got my invite last week, got in, and started putting people in circles like some biologist putting bacteria into petri dishes to study under a microscope.  What the hell is wrong with this picture?  I will admit, I was a Zuckerberg whore (and still am) and probably spend more time on Facebook than I should.  I ditched MySpace years ago, too simple and stupid.  I can't tell you of anyone I know that isn't on Facebook at this point.  It seems to be how we communicate with everyone all the time.  The irony of Google+ is that I can get my Google status to automatically update my Facebook status.  The ultimate cyber-finger to MZ?  Who knows.  I hope that it takes off, but that just pulls me deeper and deeper into the Goobyss.

Overall, even though it seems Google is now as pervasive in our daily lives as say, breathing, I have to admit it has made my life easier and more interesting.  All the information I want is there at the touch of a button.  All the information I have that you DON"T want to hear about is another button away; this one just reads "send". Google is starting to live up to the image I had of it way back in math class.  As close to infinity as I can consider.

Clemens Mistrial

I would love to know why the world actually cares whether or not Roger Clemens lied to a Senate panel about his PED use.  I understand the idea that everyone must be treated fairly in the eyes of the Justice System, but there is a difference in lying about steroids and lying about oh, say, killing your 5 year old daughter.

Save your time and effort.  Slap Clemens on the wrist.  Fine him, give him probation, whatever makes you happy.  Spend your energy figuring out how Casey Anthony got away with murdering her kid.  Justice may be blind, but She should't be stupid as well.