So for the one or two people who actually read this random shit, I apologize for failing to keep you entertained for the last couple of months. For the rest of you, well...
I am a social media whore. I will freely admit this in mixed company. I check Facebook on a regular basis throughout the day, and may add a status post of something I find humorous here and there. I have certain folks that I know are good for a laugh (Joey, Keane, Kristin) and others that are good for exactly jack shit. Then there are the status abusers. We all have them, so don't pretend you don't know who I am talking about. If you think you don't know anyone like this, chances are it's you.
Tell me, do I really care that you were just admitted to the ER for the fifteenth time in the last six days? Or that once again, you have broken up with the love of your life (whom you have only been dating for six minutes, BTW)? Why do people feel that they must share absolutely every detail of their pathetic lives with the world? Do you think that your Facebook "friends" actually give a shit about what you ate last night?
To be completely fair, there are two types of status abusers out there. As previously noted, the idiots that post every small facet of their daily existence is an obvious one. But the sneaky fuckers are the ones that just toss up the "FML" or "Wow, I am really having a bad day" updates. They are just begging for the virtual attention they have no possibility of paying for in the real world. I am not sure what is more pathetic: these cries for attention or the morons who actually leave a comment and respond! "Oh, I'm so sorry! Call me later! Love you!" By the way, I corrected all the spelling and grammar in that bit because you know those people cannot write proper English to save their lives. But that is another post entirely.
Back to my ranting. I hate the new Facebook layouts, but one good thing is it is now much easier to block this drivel from clogging my social arteries and choking the life out of my day.
The final offender is the one that you can clearly and easily catch in the act of being absolutely full of shit. I have a "friend" on Facebook who has taken the status update game to an entirely new level. In fact, they should win some kind of twisted Pulitzer Prize for "Most bullshit fiction written on Facebook in a six day span" award or something. This was comedy and tragedy all rolled into one. The initial post was something about being in the hospital and for "those who didn't know" (read EVERYONE ELSE ON THE FUCKING PLANET) I had a heart attack last weekend. OK, fine. Call me an asshole for being insensitive. But when I first read this I was a bit concerned. Being a former medic, I tend to take that pretty seriously. Enter the bullshit factor. Over the next few days all we read about is the upcoming surgery to determine the health of the heart. Oh, it's only functioning at 40%, I need to move back home to be close to my family. Oh, if my heart rate gets too low, I could die. No fucking shit! That's what happens to everyone when their heart rate gets too low. They DIE! Next post was something about being home from the hospital. I was shocked to see that one less than 24 hours after the "surgery" Ummm, I know that I am not a cardiologist, but you don't just get released like that after someone messes with your ticker. Call me stupid. Anyway, the back and forth is capped off with pictures of said narcissist at a charity event just three days later and looking just the same as six months before when all was fine.
Maybe this is just some dumb mindset that our culture has these days. Since I am not actually talking to these people, they won't catch me in a lie, they won't ever know the truth. I can say what I want, get the attention I deserve and have people pay attention to me. Cause I know that everyone avoids me like the guy begging for change at the bus stop in real life. How about this one: make some REAL friends. Have a real conversation. Find people that actually care about you and then you don't have to make up some absurd story about having a heart attack when all you really had was heartburn.
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